I know there are times when we all feel like crying. But I am at a point of crying too much. I have leaky eyes  and I don't like it this way. I feel so sad at times.  I know I can just get strong and make my self stop. But my eyes have a mind of there own at this time.

Expressing grief in art.

Art takes on a life of its own at times. It evokes the release of emotion. And some times passes it on to the viewer. Some release in words the feeling they are going though, some keep it all bottled up inside.
I did this tonight as a way of releasing my rage.  I did not share my loss this past Sept. And tonight I was told of the loss of my grandsons kitty. I keep sniffing back the tears. And yet the pain wants out. I miss my kitty. Crash is gone too. But I did not speak of it because I did not want to deal with the pain of it. But it will not go away tonight. Ebony was found dead at the front door yesterday morning.
She was a sweet kitty, she became apart of our family when Jeremy was maybe 2 or 3.  She was a lovable calico kitty. And I know Jeremy's heart is broken.  I feel his pain too.
Some people do not realize that a cat is a loved family member. And Do not realize the pain is equal to a person when they pass. I am just venting here as a way to release my feelings. I went right to painting the picture above earlier to vent my sorrow. It started out with words and scribbles till images appeared. Images were added and blended to tell a story now I will set back and see what story it tells.

I know well we are all only here for a brief time. And we bond. That is why it is so painful. Because we are first blessed with love and joy. Then sorrow and pain.
There are so many things I do not write and release. As it makes you feel vulnerable. We all keep things to our self. But really all we do is turn them into issues when we do. I find releasing them in art or words to be freeing and healing to the spirit.
  As I have come so far now on my road to what I call a free spirit. I am only bound buy a few commitments. And I will close for now. I do not want to go on to a new subject.
I close with a farewell to Crash and Ebony.

Venting and communication

Words are the root of communication. They have the power to heal, hurt, help & harm. You may say something and not mean any harm. Yet some one else takes it the wrong way. They take offense. And feel it is personally about  or regarding them. Yet you were speaking about something all together different. I have seen this happen many times over the past few years. We are so wound up from public events. Or some thing is in the air that is causing conflicts. Comments on news feeds are some times down right hateful. I am shocked as to what you might read on some news posts. For TV or political news.
But I have also seen issues in communication face to face also. Letter or emails are not exempt. Letters are some times miss-interpreted.

People are allowing emotions and judgements combined with feelings color the words. And thus change the context. Example: (I do not have time for that now.)
This looks simple and straight forward. Yet emotions and ego. says
" What did I do wrong ? He never has time for me. He don't like me any more. Etc. When simply the person is busy.
Feelings get hurt,anger boils. But till you calmly clarify as in talk it out.
If you find you are the one who feels some one's words are hurting you. You need to vent, journal. or write them a letter.  There may be real issues involved. But if you look close enough it may just be you are judging them wrongly.
There are also times when let's say the person is a drunk. And almost every thing they say makes you mad.
You can either keep it to your self because. you can not reason with a person who is intoxicated. Or you can blow up. But there seems to be a wall that can not be penetrated, till this person is rational. And that may not happen for some. I do not have the answer for this one.

I have found from dealing with drug and alcohol users in the past.
You are wasting your breath.
Yet you still try in hope of getting through to them.
But when is enough enough ?
That time is when they interfere with your life on a daily basis.

So where is this story going. Humm. I guess we all need lessons in communication.  Or behavior therapy  when a situation is out of control.  Or simple answer let it go. If it is meant to be they will be back. Or your life will go on just fine with out them.

zentangle's

Art journal

images

These are images I did for personality cafe

Emotions as Teachers

emotions do affect my decision

This week the,Wellness ARTivity is Emotions as Teachers.
The image above is a clear example of how my emotions affect my decision making ability. It is also an example of my personality type. Enfp.

Because I am an emotions person. I feel things deeply. And my emotions can cause chaos in my mind.  Both the top and bottom image have a bit of chaos ,

The top shows how emotion can bring out colors, feelings. spirit. But must have some logic in order to not be a complete abstract image.
The bottom represents more logic. It needs more structure and balance. And yet it is not perfect. It has room for improvement. But just by accepting it as is, creates balance. It removes judgment, And allows me to post it as is. I neither like or dislike it, I just accept this is how I feel at this time.

The black and white squares represent pure logic. It is concrete thinking. It for some people is the way life is. Order structure, perfection. The way every thing should be. But if you notice, the lines are not perfect. Because what they think is right or wrong applies only to there belief system. Because we are not all trained to think alike. We all have some variance in our thoughts.

By all 3 examples it proves no one is perfect. We all have flaws. So I now accept, that I live a colorful life full of chaos, emotion, and logic. I think this is what makes me artistic and wise and unique. Because my emotions will overload and allow my logic to pick me back up. It makes me learn more and my soul then decides what is right or wrong for me to believe and make a part of my life. My emotions are my teachers. My logic is my analyzer. And I am thankful I have the ability to get back up and learn every obstacle had a reason. It taught me to be stronger. And gave me gratitude, joy, passion, and a loving, desire to help others.

Osho quote

“If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against.”

Another gift

Alma  the name is pronounced AL-mah. It is of Latin, Italian, Hebrew and Arabic origin,
the meaning of Alma is "nourishing, kind; soul; young woman; learned". Also the name of a river in the Crimea where the famous 19th-century Battle of Alma was fought. "Alma mater" is the term for a college or university, meaning "fostering mother".

This is also the name of my Grandmother. I was surprised to find her name is the perfect name for a Grandma. I did not know my granma well. She raised me till age 4. But I do know she loved me very much.


I would like for you to really look at the painting I did and just imagine giving your self the love of a nurturing, loving grandma. Feel the tingle of warmth from a healing hug. Her dress is made of fuzzy warm cotton balls. She feels like your favorite teddy bear or warm soft blanket. I myself can feel the energy of this love. Being a Grandma my self. There is no deeper love, or kindness that can be transferred. The thought of being loved by grams is so healing. It is something I never felt for my self till now. I know what it is like to give this nurturing kindness to the grand kids. I also know the joy of play. You do things with the grand kids that you would have never thought of doing with your own. Mostly because you have already been there and done that. And no longer have the fear or worries you had with your own kids. You have the wisdom to share what is really important in life. But just to imagine receiving that love your self is so powerful it is hard to explain. You have to just imagine and hug your self. 
I am very proud of the results of my cards. If you feel any of them speak to you more than the one I made for you. Please feel free to take a copy for your own personal use. 


I really feel every one should have a copy of this one. 
But I made this especially for Amelia.

A gift for Wendy

Celeste as a girl's name is pronounced seh-LEST. The meaning of Celeste is "heavenly" stars in heaven, celestial, divine, celestial bliss. Celestial eye.  It is of Latin origin, Celeste is the saint of all who make a wish on the first star of the evening.It can be both male or female name.
The masculine form Celestin was the name of five popes, the first one in AD 422.

A Poem for Celeste

Wish upon a star

tell me where you are

sit upon my knee

and I will help you see

Set down your grief and turn over a leaf

For your destiny is beneath the sky

Even though you are going to fly

I am here to guide while you ride

and forever be called to your side.

So look up to the sky

I will be with the stars

I am never very far away

you can speak to me any way

for I love to help you through your day

We will both learn to play.

 

Self talk

The challenge for this week Rae chose the topic of  Self-love.

This is one subject that I really never gave much thought to. Most of my life, I just went with the flow. As a kid most of my issues were from other kids making comments that were hurtful. But I think my mind did not take them to extremes.  
I did have insecurity's of the way I walked and my teeth.I had some hurt feelings when criticized by others. I pretty much would hang around older people. Ones who I felt were not mean at heart. To me now. This was self preservation.
By living this way my out look was neutral. I was just normal.
I never dated anyone my own age because I required respect. And a bit of maturity.

I can not say, I had self love. Only self respect. I accepted the fact I could not change my teeth. So I did not smile much. I find even to this day I think about dentures. So My teeth will fit together better. I have an over bite, and only 2 areas where food can be chewed properly. So this thought is for function more than looks.
 After I married, I did not care what others had to say any more. I just went on with life. Looking back now. I see I should have had more self awareness and confidence. But I am happy, I did not have any negative phobias.

I can see how some people look in the mirror and do not see them self correctly.  I have seen a TV show on bulimia. Where they really do look in the mirror and see an extra 100 pounds on there 90 pound body. Also I have seen some people look in the mirror and see a male body, when they are in a female body. To me this proves how powerful your mind can be at telling you lies. It is kinda like self hypnosis. Example: If you told your self over and over that your skin is purple. One day you will look in the mirror and see you are purple.
It is an allusion, but you believe it to be true.

To me this all sums up to it is all in your mind.
I have a friend that still sees me as skinny. They do not see I am a size 18 now. So I can tell this applies to how other people view you also. Once I had to stand on a scale to prove to a friend I am not a light weight. To me this shows she is so into her feeling over weight. That she sees others being smaller than her. It is kinda like deranged vision.

I find it is hard for me to judge age. I still see with the eyes of a younger adult, who now need reading glasses. I also am critical of photos taken of me. When I look at them a year later and see they are not as bad as I though at that time.
It takes some serious self talk to get your mind to let you see you are OK. The ego mind seems to be a trouble maker, kinda like the kids I did not like when I was younger.
I caught my ego mind, telling me last week, "Those guys think you are old. etc. I quickly said shut up!" to my self and sorta growled silently. My mind then let go of its plan.
I found the best thing to do is when you hear, You look old, you look fat, etc. I just say "WHAT EVER" It keep my mind from going on even deeper. It dismisses the hurtful self talk. And I do find the affirmation " You are perfect just the way your are " to be healing.
  Most of all I find the practice of removing all judgment to be the best way for me.  But over all I am happy with my self. My leg arms hands do there job. And adding gratitude I am happy that I have a body that lets me experience life. So I am thankful the vesicle I was given at birth dose what it is meant to do. And that task is live, love, and enjoy. Go with the flow of life.

Luke

Luke is very reliable, responsible & kind.  He has allot of quality's I have had most of my life. I gave him a clown costume as he is a suit and tie kind of guy. But he is a  workaholic.  So I had to give him a taste of fun,  He can also be a nurse, so he may be good for your health. He is for me. So I had a bit of thought. I really like the new version of me. I may be a bit more slack than I was in my younger days. I just know now. Life should be more than work. There needs to be balance. But what I can see from getting this card for me. I do need to regain a bit more control of my life. And prepare for a changing future.
I do need to put music back into my life.  I love the creative artsy side. But I just need a push. I have responsibility overload syndrome.  I am responsible for every thing.  And some times wish for some one else to take on some of the load.
But I find now that I can see my thoughts more clearly now. I have learned not to judge good or bad. A thought is just a thought. Act on it or let it go. I have had some insecurity's but find it is only my mind judging. It is my ego holding on to things that have been said or done. It is my need for love. That has caused my feeling alone. But I find when you let go of mind chatter and let your true self take control of your mind. Nothing is an issue. Nothing is a problem. So This card should be good for me. As I am now wise enough to decide what is a need or desire. I do not have may desires. I have always put needs first.

Gift to Angela

Elfrida , a girl's name is pronounced el-FREE-dah. It is of Old English and Old German origin, some of the meaning's are  "elf, magical counsel,, being noble strength".   "white,  bright light ". "peaceful".English: Good counselor or Sage
From the Old English name Ælfþryð meaning "elf strength". Oracle
German: Peaceful ruler,Gift of wisdom
Teutonic: Threatens the elves
The name Alfreda has 55 variant forms of spelling changes. 
Ailsa \a(i)-lsa, ail-sa\ as a girl's name is of Old Norse origin, and the meaning of Ailsa is "island of Alfsigr". Place name: the tiny Scottish rocky islet Ailsa Craig in the estuary of the river Clyde. Alfsigr is a personal name meaning "elf or magical victory". Use as a given name has been influenced by Ealasaid, the Gaelic form of Elizabeth (Hebrew) "God's promise". The name may also be used as a homonym for Elsa".Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: Consecrated to god Noble & Cheerful Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable

Ailsa is here to help you see through different eyes.
We are all uniquely different, but our heart & true spirits are all the same. She will help you see you are complete and perfect just the way you are. She will show you that the difference between a weed and a flower is your judgment.
You may wonder why she is a twin, with 2 names. She will not introduce you to Elfrida till she feels she has done her job. Because like some, she will not just open up to you till she knows and trusts you fully. She is a teacher, Mom, Councilor. She will guide you to the realm of self knowledge, self love, and how to release judgment.  At this point you will meet Elfrida, When she knows you will unconditionally, accept her with out judgment. 
Elfrida, you will find is one of deep wisdom. She is council to the Elf community. She teaches them to be happy with them self. They are different because they are magical. She also keeps there tricks at bay. So this is why they have some fear of her. She to has Mother quality. She makes them recite both day and night, "I am a valuable sacred soul. She creates balance in responsibility and fun. She teaches harmony and love of all. She will share all of this with you too. Only if you are willing to search and learn. Follow clues. And accept your self unconditional. Because she knows you can not love her if you judge her.
In the end you will question. Is this really 2 people or just one, The first is there in a form that will not really make you wonder if she is normal. But the second hides nothing.
But you see they both have the same spirit. They are both your best friend. And will help you through the most difficult of challenges. Because they know when you find your true self. You will know all is well, and as it should be. And you will be free of life's baggage.
Please let me know if you find they are one or two? And which one is the real one ?

Another gift

Serena is a girl's name is pronounced ser-REE-nah. 

It is of Latin origin. The meaning of the name Serena is 'Serene, composed, peaceful, cheerful, calm, clear, tranquil.

Serena is very cheerful and wise.
She can help you see through lies

Her peaceful presence, restores your calm clear composure. She points the way and saves the day. 
She tells you to breath, relax and meditate your issues away.
She gets out her broom and clears the chatter from your mind.
If that don't work she evicts your room mate. :)
She dose not speak much, so she make the perfect replacement.
Because tranquility in thought is amazing.
She reminds you a thought is just a thought, till you decide to make it part of your life. So let them flow.

She whispers think happy & be happy in your ear.
Make your self laugh for no reason It is healing.
But most of all She want you to live a life full of peace.
This card is for ?

Evelyn

A gift

 I created this card for phoenix
Zoe is a form of ballance
She will cool you down when you are hot.
Warm you up when your not.
She will hug you when your sad.
And slug you when your mad. :)
It won't hurt, she is such a flirt.
But most of all she is your best friend.
Because she is always looking over you.

Her job is to teach you to chill
And remind you there is no need for a pill
She will teach you to love your self
If you do not listen she will put you on a shelf
She is here to see that you live the life you were meant to.
She will pave the way every day.
For her magic is great. Because she loves you mate.

Zoe as a girl's name is pronounced ZOH-ee, ZOH. It is of Greek origin,
and the meaning of Zoe is "life".
In Japanese Zoe Means Uniquely Different

Zoe; The act of being grand, wonderful, perfect. Other related words are, cool awesome amazing.

Perfect cards : )

I pulled these cards here.

YOUR PSYCHIC TYPE

I have been searching for answers and I do find clues. On this web site I took the test there for link: YOUR PSYCHIC TYPE
The answer for me was 

B................... You tend toward being an emotional intuitive.  You travel the path of the heart.  You can have an innate sensitivity to the emotional states of others.  You will receive psychic intuition/information through your emotions via intense feelings that cannot be explained, such as a sense of sadness, anxiety or fear.  You might suffer from allergies, chronic tiredness, adrenal exhaustion, PMS, ovary or uterine problems.  This is due to pulling from your own physical reserves the energy needed to emotionally heal others.  As an emotional intuitive, you carry with you the gift of highest love.  Example: Mother Teresa  

b was 2nd and a, c.

Death

This is only my thoughts put into words. My mind was busy Monday morning. Word flowed more than ever before.
I did a post on my other blog about life if you care to read it too. I will post a link at the bottom of this page.

Death is only a release of spirit. We are made up of 3 components, mind, body & soul. I find some people feel that there loved one was taken too early. We really do not understand why it was there time. But we need to accept this person was not meant to be here any longer. Accidents happen for a reason, we were not meant to understand. Same with suicide. For some reason that person was tormented in there mind to the point the soul agreed to let them go. Our spirit/soul is like an observer. Using our body and mind to live.  The soul is so strong it will almost always keep you here. But when It feels there is no chance of repair. It will have mercy on us and set us free.
If you can only think of them like the person who is suffering of cancer.  There mind is in that much pain. Really we can not know till we are in there place, what the pain for either one of them is truly like. I have seen some people feel like the lost one was selfish. But it is us who are, because we can not understand there pain. We feel they chose to leave us. But we must accept it was just there time. They could no longer deal with the life they had.

I know for a fact our soul is very strong. It wants to stay in our body. It has a way of talking you out of your wish to leave. Or it just clearly says, "no!"
But when it agrees that this life is over, you then are allowed to pass on.
Getting mad at this person for leaving is a natural part of grieving. But you have to put your self in that persons foot steps. And accept mental illness is painful. You have to learn to accept the fact, they are now free of pain. And learn to be happy for them. Because this was the best choice for them. They truly had an incurable illness. It was mental rather that physical. I feel we should be happy for them. Because a life full of torment in the mind is no life at all.
I know you may not agree with me. But I know what it is like to want to leave. But I have a soul that teaches me to learn ways to get well. And maybe I can help other want to stay here too. But most of all I want to help those left here to understand and forgive those who have passed on. Free them of guilt so they can move on. Tell them it is ok. You understand now. So they can truly rest in peace.

I am not an expert on grief. But I am learning there are 7 levels of grief. We do not always experience them all.

But the key to peace of mind is the last stage, which is acceptance.  Finally letting go, and be happy for them. You will then be free to move forward too. 

link to my first post.

Spiritual Wellness

The assignment this week for A Celebration of Wellness is  Spiritual Wellness
To me spirituality is your soul not really what your religion may be.

As far as Spiritual Wellness, I feel like when I did the page above a couple of years ago. It was the start of my spirit taking control of my life. It feels like I was born with this spirit, but was forced to suppress it.  My Moms ways were constricting on my spirit. And I feel as though it has been in a coma for so long. I allowed the flow of life to chose my path or others to push me on to new paths. I feel like I did not live the life I was meant to live. But I fail to change it. Even today I have been thinking of drastic changes, but I fail to take the first step. I have been researching "habit and familiarity". I find most stay with what they have, for fear of change. fear of being alone, fear of things could be worse. So we become creatures of habit.  I have been giving allot of thought to what is damaged and what is well. I know for a fact my body is damaged, my mind exploded, so it must be my soul is well. That has to be the reason I am still here. Still working on healing my self. Your mind can only take so much trauma and drama. This leads to physical illness and fatigue. But I think, it is your soul that steps in and tries to save you.
All this adds up to lessons learned.
 But why do I need so many lessons?  
Is it I fail to take action?
Is it knowledge I need to make it to the next level?
Many questions, many answers. It all sums up to I am who I am today because all the choices and issues are apart of me. And my soul can handle anything.

This is a collection of images I put together that spoke to me of spirit when I first read of this task. They were done over the last few years.

Solfeggio Frequencies

 I have been listing to 
Solfeggio Frequencies on U tube. After some thought, I realized this is why music has so much affect on us. It is more than the chosen words to a song. The tones have healing, happy, or sad tones. They affect how we feel and change our mood. If you research more into these sounds you find the MI 528 Hz is used by genetic biochemists to repair broken DNA -
The original sound frequencies were first used in Ancient Gregorian Chants.The Six Solfeggio Frequencies include:
UT 396 Hz Liberating Guilt and Fear
RE 417 Hz Undoing Situations and Facilitating Change
MI 528 Hz Transformation and Miracles (DNA Repair)
FA 639 Hz Connecting/Relationships
SOL 741 Hz Awakening Intuition
LA 852 Hz Returning to Spiritual Order

Stillness and laughter

Laughter is nothing new, but it is some times forgotten. I found in my past few weeks of trauma and drama. It made me stop in my tracks. I was then allowed to still my mind. When I heard and saw others having so much fun. I could not help but join in the contagious laughter. It felt like the trauma perceived by my mind was being chipped away, piece by piece I felt it fall off my body.  From that point forward my soul was able to start taking control of my ego mind. I was still shaken. I still feel the damaging affect of a mind allowed to run a muck.  Trauma not only hurts you mentally but your body feels it psychically. This hurts your immune system, and allows illness into your life.

I am participating in A Celebration of Wellness with Rae for this weeks assignment called Wellness Art-ivity: Be Still. 
I find I have had much experience with stillness. But she said to do it in a different way and express it in an art activity in a different way. So rather than virtual art like I normal do. I did a drawing with paper and pencil.  I started looking for ideals. So on Monday I did a search and found a photo and video scroll down 2 posts or click here
I found movement.

On Tue I found laughter yoga click here
or scroll down to last post. This one has inspired me to want to find a laughter club or start one and become a certified instructor. So now I have a goal. Or a dream.

With all these clues I found laughter to be a way, that I must remember to use. Any time I am stressed or feel panic or fear and anxiety try to evolve in my mind. I will run to find some thing funny. Or just start laughing for no reason.

The photo above is my drawing.
Or Click here to see my haiku and digital creation of this weeks art work , on my other blog The Emptynester.  This is an example of my normal way of creation an art piece.
Thank you for reading and being a good friend.