Emotions as Teachers

emotions do affect my decision

This week the,Wellness ARTivity is Emotions as Teachers.
The image above is a clear example of how my emotions affect my decision making ability. It is also an example of my personality type. Enfp.

Because I am an emotions person. I feel things deeply. And my emotions can cause chaos in my mind.  Both the top and bottom image have a bit of chaos ,

The top shows how emotion can bring out colors, feelings. spirit. But must have some logic in order to not be a complete abstract image.
The bottom represents more logic. It needs more structure and balance. And yet it is not perfect. It has room for improvement. But just by accepting it as is, creates balance. It removes judgment, And allows me to post it as is. I neither like or dislike it, I just accept this is how I feel at this time.

The black and white squares represent pure logic. It is concrete thinking. It for some people is the way life is. Order structure, perfection. The way every thing should be. But if you notice, the lines are not perfect. Because what they think is right or wrong applies only to there belief system. Because we are not all trained to think alike. We all have some variance in our thoughts.

By all 3 examples it proves no one is perfect. We all have flaws. So I now accept, that I live a colorful life full of chaos, emotion, and logic. I think this is what makes me artistic and wise and unique. Because my emotions will overload and allow my logic to pick me back up. It makes me learn more and my soul then decides what is right or wrong for me to believe and make a part of my life. My emotions are my teachers. My logic is my analyzer. And I am thankful I have the ability to get back up and learn every obstacle had a reason. It taught me to be stronger. And gave me gratitude, joy, passion, and a loving, desire to help others.

Osho quote

“If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against.”

Self talk

The challenge for this week Rae chose the topic of  Self-love.

This is one subject that I really never gave much thought to. Most of my life, I just went with the flow. As a kid most of my issues were from other kids making comments that were hurtful. But I think my mind did not take them to extremes.  
I did have insecurity's of the way I walked and my teeth.I had some hurt feelings when criticized by others. I pretty much would hang around older people. Ones who I felt were not mean at heart. To me now. This was self preservation.
By living this way my out look was neutral. I was just normal.
I never dated anyone my own age because I required respect. And a bit of maturity.

I can not say, I had self love. Only self respect. I accepted the fact I could not change my teeth. So I did not smile much. I find even to this day I think about dentures. So My teeth will fit together better. I have an over bite, and only 2 areas where food can be chewed properly. So this thought is for function more than looks.
 After I married, I did not care what others had to say any more. I just went on with life. Looking back now. I see I should have had more self awareness and confidence. But I am happy, I did not have any negative phobias.

I can see how some people look in the mirror and do not see them self correctly.  I have seen a TV show on bulimia. Where they really do look in the mirror and see an extra 100 pounds on there 90 pound body. Also I have seen some people look in the mirror and see a male body, when they are in a female body. To me this proves how powerful your mind can be at telling you lies. It is kinda like self hypnosis. Example: If you told your self over and over that your skin is purple. One day you will look in the mirror and see you are purple.
It is an allusion, but you believe it to be true.

To me this all sums up to it is all in your mind.
I have a friend that still sees me as skinny. They do not see I am a size 18 now. So I can tell this applies to how other people view you also. Once I had to stand on a scale to prove to a friend I am not a light weight. To me this shows she is so into her feeling over weight. That she sees others being smaller than her. It is kinda like deranged vision.

I find it is hard for me to judge age. I still see with the eyes of a younger adult, who now need reading glasses. I also am critical of photos taken of me. When I look at them a year later and see they are not as bad as I though at that time.
It takes some serious self talk to get your mind to let you see you are OK. The ego mind seems to be a trouble maker, kinda like the kids I did not like when I was younger.
I caught my ego mind, telling me last week, "Those guys think you are old. etc. I quickly said shut up!" to my self and sorta growled silently. My mind then let go of its plan.
I found the best thing to do is when you hear, You look old, you look fat, etc. I just say "WHAT EVER" It keep my mind from going on even deeper. It dismisses the hurtful self talk. And I do find the affirmation " You are perfect just the way your are " to be healing.
  Most of all I find the practice of removing all judgment to be the best way for me.  But over all I am happy with my self. My leg arms hands do there job. And adding gratitude I am happy that I have a body that lets me experience life. So I am thankful the vesicle I was given at birth dose what it is meant to do. And that task is live, love, and enjoy. Go with the flow of life.

Spiritual Wellness

The assignment this week for A Celebration of Wellness is  Spiritual Wellness
To me spirituality is your soul not really what your religion may be.

As far as Spiritual Wellness, I feel like when I did the page above a couple of years ago. It was the start of my spirit taking control of my life. It feels like I was born with this spirit, but was forced to suppress it.  My Moms ways were constricting on my spirit. And I feel as though it has been in a coma for so long. I allowed the flow of life to chose my path or others to push me on to new paths. I feel like I did not live the life I was meant to live. But I fail to change it. Even today I have been thinking of drastic changes, but I fail to take the first step. I have been researching "habit and familiarity". I find most stay with what they have, for fear of change. fear of being alone, fear of things could be worse. So we become creatures of habit.  I have been giving allot of thought to what is damaged and what is well. I know for a fact my body is damaged, my mind exploded, so it must be my soul is well. That has to be the reason I am still here. Still working on healing my self. Your mind can only take so much trauma and drama. This leads to physical illness and fatigue. But I think, it is your soul that steps in and tries to save you.
All this adds up to lessons learned.
 But why do I need so many lessons?  
Is it I fail to take action?
Is it knowledge I need to make it to the next level?
Many questions, many answers. It all sums up to I am who I am today because all the choices and issues are apart of me. And my soul can handle anything.

This is a collection of images I put together that spoke to me of spirit when I first read of this task. They were done over the last few years.

Stillness and laughter

Laughter is nothing new, but it is some times forgotten. I found in my past few weeks of trauma and drama. It made me stop in my tracks. I was then allowed to still my mind. When I heard and saw others having so much fun. I could not help but join in the contagious laughter. It felt like the trauma perceived by my mind was being chipped away, piece by piece I felt it fall off my body.  From that point forward my soul was able to start taking control of my ego mind. I was still shaken. I still feel the damaging affect of a mind allowed to run a muck.  Trauma not only hurts you mentally but your body feels it psychically. This hurts your immune system, and allows illness into your life.

I am participating in A Celebration of Wellness with Rae for this weeks assignment called Wellness Art-ivity: Be Still. 
I find I have had much experience with stillness. But she said to do it in a different way and express it in an art activity in a different way. So rather than virtual art like I normal do. I did a drawing with paper and pencil.  I started looking for ideals. So on Monday I did a search and found a photo and video scroll down 2 posts or click here
I found movement.

On Tue I found laughter yoga click here
or scroll down to last post. This one has inspired me to want to find a laughter club or start one and become a certified instructor. So now I have a goal. Or a dream.

With all these clues I found laughter to be a way, that I must remember to use. Any time I am stressed or feel panic or fear and anxiety try to evolve in my mind. I will run to find some thing funny. Or just start laughing for no reason.

The photo above is my drawing.
Or Click here to see my haiku and digital creation of this weeks art work , on my other blog The Emptynester.  This is an example of my normal way of creation an art piece.
Thank you for reading and being a good friend.