I know there are times when we all feel like crying. But I am at a point of crying too much. I have leaky eyes  and I don't like it this way. I feel so sad at times.  I know I can just get strong and make my self stop. But my eyes have a mind of there own at this time.

Expressing grief in art.

Art takes on a life of its own at times. It evokes the release of emotion. And some times passes it on to the viewer. Some release in words the feeling they are going though, some keep it all bottled up inside.
I did this tonight as a way of releasing my rage.  I did not share my loss this past Sept. And tonight I was told of the loss of my grandsons kitty. I keep sniffing back the tears. And yet the pain wants out. I miss my kitty. Crash is gone too. But I did not speak of it because I did not want to deal with the pain of it. But it will not go away tonight. Ebony was found dead at the front door yesterday morning.
She was a sweet kitty, she became apart of our family when Jeremy was maybe 2 or 3.  She was a lovable calico kitty. And I know Jeremy's heart is broken.  I feel his pain too.
Some people do not realize that a cat is a loved family member. And Do not realize the pain is equal to a person when they pass. I am just venting here as a way to release my feelings. I went right to painting the picture above earlier to vent my sorrow. It started out with words and scribbles till images appeared. Images were added and blended to tell a story now I will set back and see what story it tells.

I know well we are all only here for a brief time. And we bond. That is why it is so painful. Because we are first blessed with love and joy. Then sorrow and pain.
There are so many things I do not write and release. As it makes you feel vulnerable. We all keep things to our self. But really all we do is turn them into issues when we do. I find releasing them in art or words to be freeing and healing to the spirit.
  As I have come so far now on my road to what I call a free spirit. I am only bound buy a few commitments. And I will close for now. I do not want to go on to a new subject.
I close with a farewell to Crash and Ebony.

Venting and communication

Words are the root of communication. They have the power to heal, hurt, help & harm. You may say something and not mean any harm. Yet some one else takes it the wrong way. They take offense. And feel it is personally about  or regarding them. Yet you were speaking about something all together different. I have seen this happen many times over the past few years. We are so wound up from public events. Or some thing is in the air that is causing conflicts. Comments on news feeds are some times down right hateful. I am shocked as to what you might read on some news posts. For TV or political news.
But I have also seen issues in communication face to face also. Letter or emails are not exempt. Letters are some times miss-interpreted.

People are allowing emotions and judgements combined with feelings color the words. And thus change the context. Example: (I do not have time for that now.)
This looks simple and straight forward. Yet emotions and ego. says
" What did I do wrong ? He never has time for me. He don't like me any more. Etc. When simply the person is busy.
Feelings get hurt,anger boils. But till you calmly clarify as in talk it out.
If you find you are the one who feels some one's words are hurting you. You need to vent, journal. or write them a letter.  There may be real issues involved. But if you look close enough it may just be you are judging them wrongly.
There are also times when let's say the person is a drunk. And almost every thing they say makes you mad.
You can either keep it to your self because. you can not reason with a person who is intoxicated. Or you can blow up. But there seems to be a wall that can not be penetrated, till this person is rational. And that may not happen for some. I do not have the answer for this one.

I have found from dealing with drug and alcohol users in the past.
You are wasting your breath.
Yet you still try in hope of getting through to them.
But when is enough enough ?
That time is when they interfere with your life on a daily basis.

So where is this story going. Humm. I guess we all need lessons in communication.  Or behavior therapy  when a situation is out of control.  Or simple answer let it go. If it is meant to be they will be back. Or your life will go on just fine with out them.

zentangle's

Art journal

images

These are images I did for personality cafe

Emotions as Teachers

emotions do affect my decision

This week the,Wellness ARTivity is Emotions as Teachers.
The image above is a clear example of how my emotions affect my decision making ability. It is also an example of my personality type. Enfp.

Because I am an emotions person. I feel things deeply. And my emotions can cause chaos in my mind.  Both the top and bottom image have a bit of chaos ,

The top shows how emotion can bring out colors, feelings. spirit. But must have some logic in order to not be a complete abstract image.
The bottom represents more logic. It needs more structure and balance. And yet it is not perfect. It has room for improvement. But just by accepting it as is, creates balance. It removes judgment, And allows me to post it as is. I neither like or dislike it, I just accept this is how I feel at this time.

The black and white squares represent pure logic. It is concrete thinking. It for some people is the way life is. Order structure, perfection. The way every thing should be. But if you notice, the lines are not perfect. Because what they think is right or wrong applies only to there belief system. Because we are not all trained to think alike. We all have some variance in our thoughts.

By all 3 examples it proves no one is perfect. We all have flaws. So I now accept, that I live a colorful life full of chaos, emotion, and logic. I think this is what makes me artistic and wise and unique. Because my emotions will overload and allow my logic to pick me back up. It makes me learn more and my soul then decides what is right or wrong for me to believe and make a part of my life. My emotions are my teachers. My logic is my analyzer. And I am thankful I have the ability to get back up and learn every obstacle had a reason. It taught me to be stronger. And gave me gratitude, joy, passion, and a loving, desire to help others.

Osho quote

“If you wish to see the truth, then hold no opinion for or against.”

Another gift

Alma  the name is pronounced AL-mah. It is of Latin, Italian, Hebrew and Arabic origin,
the meaning of Alma is "nourishing, kind; soul; young woman; learned". Also the name of a river in the Crimea where the famous 19th-century Battle of Alma was fought. "Alma mater" is the term for a college or university, meaning "fostering mother".

This is also the name of my Grandmother. I was surprised to find her name is the perfect name for a Grandma. I did not know my granma well. She raised me till age 4. But I do know she loved me very much.


I would like for you to really look at the painting I did and just imagine giving your self the love of a nurturing, loving grandma. Feel the tingle of warmth from a healing hug. Her dress is made of fuzzy warm cotton balls. She feels like your favorite teddy bear or warm soft blanket. I myself can feel the energy of this love. Being a Grandma my self. There is no deeper love, or kindness that can be transferred. The thought of being loved by grams is so healing. It is something I never felt for my self till now. I know what it is like to give this nurturing kindness to the grand kids. I also know the joy of play. You do things with the grand kids that you would have never thought of doing with your own. Mostly because you have already been there and done that. And no longer have the fear or worries you had with your own kids. You have the wisdom to share what is really important in life. But just to imagine receiving that love your self is so powerful it is hard to explain. You have to just imagine and hug your self. 
I am very proud of the results of my cards. If you feel any of them speak to you more than the one I made for you. Please feel free to take a copy for your own personal use. 


I really feel every one should have a copy of this one. 
But I made this especially for Amelia.

A gift for Wendy

Celeste as a girl's name is pronounced seh-LEST. The meaning of Celeste is "heavenly" stars in heaven, celestial, divine, celestial bliss. Celestial eye.  It is of Latin origin, Celeste is the saint of all who make a wish on the first star of the evening.It can be both male or female name.
The masculine form Celestin was the name of five popes, the first one in AD 422.

A Poem for Celeste

Wish upon a star

tell me where you are

sit upon my knee

and I will help you see

Set down your grief and turn over a leaf

For your destiny is beneath the sky

Even though you are going to fly

I am here to guide while you ride

and forever be called to your side.

So look up to the sky

I will be with the stars

I am never very far away

you can speak to me any way

for I love to help you through your day

We will both learn to play.

 

Self talk

The challenge for this week Rae chose the topic of  Self-love.

This is one subject that I really never gave much thought to. Most of my life, I just went with the flow. As a kid most of my issues were from other kids making comments that were hurtful. But I think my mind did not take them to extremes.  
I did have insecurity's of the way I walked and my teeth.I had some hurt feelings when criticized by others. I pretty much would hang around older people. Ones who I felt were not mean at heart. To me now. This was self preservation.
By living this way my out look was neutral. I was just normal.
I never dated anyone my own age because I required respect. And a bit of maturity.

I can not say, I had self love. Only self respect. I accepted the fact I could not change my teeth. So I did not smile much. I find even to this day I think about dentures. So My teeth will fit together better. I have an over bite, and only 2 areas where food can be chewed properly. So this thought is for function more than looks.
 After I married, I did not care what others had to say any more. I just went on with life. Looking back now. I see I should have had more self awareness and confidence. But I am happy, I did not have any negative phobias.

I can see how some people look in the mirror and do not see them self correctly.  I have seen a TV show on bulimia. Where they really do look in the mirror and see an extra 100 pounds on there 90 pound body. Also I have seen some people look in the mirror and see a male body, when they are in a female body. To me this proves how powerful your mind can be at telling you lies. It is kinda like self hypnosis. Example: If you told your self over and over that your skin is purple. One day you will look in the mirror and see you are purple.
It is an allusion, but you believe it to be true.

To me this all sums up to it is all in your mind.
I have a friend that still sees me as skinny. They do not see I am a size 18 now. So I can tell this applies to how other people view you also. Once I had to stand on a scale to prove to a friend I am not a light weight. To me this shows she is so into her feeling over weight. That she sees others being smaller than her. It is kinda like deranged vision.

I find it is hard for me to judge age. I still see with the eyes of a younger adult, who now need reading glasses. I also am critical of photos taken of me. When I look at them a year later and see they are not as bad as I though at that time.
It takes some serious self talk to get your mind to let you see you are OK. The ego mind seems to be a trouble maker, kinda like the kids I did not like when I was younger.
I caught my ego mind, telling me last week, "Those guys think you are old. etc. I quickly said shut up!" to my self and sorta growled silently. My mind then let go of its plan.
I found the best thing to do is when you hear, You look old, you look fat, etc. I just say "WHAT EVER" It keep my mind from going on even deeper. It dismisses the hurtful self talk. And I do find the affirmation " You are perfect just the way your are " to be healing.
  Most of all I find the practice of removing all judgment to be the best way for me.  But over all I am happy with my self. My leg arms hands do there job. And adding gratitude I am happy that I have a body that lets me experience life. So I am thankful the vesicle I was given at birth dose what it is meant to do. And that task is live, love, and enjoy. Go with the flow of life.

Luke

Luke is very reliable, responsible & kind.  He has allot of quality's I have had most of my life. I gave him a clown costume as he is a suit and tie kind of guy. But he is a  workaholic.  So I had to give him a taste of fun,  He can also be a nurse, so he may be good for your health. He is for me. So I had a bit of thought. I really like the new version of me. I may be a bit more slack than I was in my younger days. I just know now. Life should be more than work. There needs to be balance. But what I can see from getting this card for me. I do need to regain a bit more control of my life. And prepare for a changing future.
I do need to put music back into my life.  I love the creative artsy side. But I just need a push. I have responsibility overload syndrome.  I am responsible for every thing.  And some times wish for some one else to take on some of the load.
But I find now that I can see my thoughts more clearly now. I have learned not to judge good or bad. A thought is just a thought. Act on it or let it go. I have had some insecurity's but find it is only my mind judging. It is my ego holding on to things that have been said or done. It is my need for love. That has caused my feeling alone. But I find when you let go of mind chatter and let your true self take control of your mind. Nothing is an issue. Nothing is a problem. So This card should be good for me. As I am now wise enough to decide what is a need or desire. I do not have may desires. I have always put needs first.

Gift to Angela

Elfrida , a girl's name is pronounced el-FREE-dah. It is of Old English and Old German origin, some of the meaning's are  "elf, magical counsel,, being noble strength".   "white,  bright light ". "peaceful".English: Good counselor or Sage
From the Old English name Ælfþryð meaning "elf strength". Oracle
German: Peaceful ruler,Gift of wisdom
Teutonic: Threatens the elves
The name Alfreda has 55 variant forms of spelling changes. 
Ailsa \a(i)-lsa, ail-sa\ as a girl's name is of Old Norse origin, and the meaning of Ailsa is "island of Alfsigr". Place name: the tiny Scottish rocky islet Ailsa Craig in the estuary of the river Clyde. Alfsigr is a personal name meaning "elf or magical victory". Use as a given name has been influenced by Ealasaid, the Gaelic form of Elizabeth (Hebrew) "God's promise". The name may also be used as a homonym for Elsa".Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: Consecrated to god Noble & Cheerful Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable

Ailsa is here to help you see through different eyes.
We are all uniquely different, but our heart & true spirits are all the same. She will help you see you are complete and perfect just the way you are. She will show you that the difference between a weed and a flower is your judgment.
You may wonder why she is a twin, with 2 names. She will not introduce you to Elfrida till she feels she has done her job. Because like some, she will not just open up to you till she knows and trusts you fully. She is a teacher, Mom, Councilor. She will guide you to the realm of self knowledge, self love, and how to release judgment.  At this point you will meet Elfrida, When she knows you will unconditionally, accept her with out judgment. 
Elfrida, you will find is one of deep wisdom. She is council to the Elf community. She teaches them to be happy with them self. They are different because they are magical. She also keeps there tricks at bay. So this is why they have some fear of her. She to has Mother quality. She makes them recite both day and night, "I am a valuable sacred soul. She creates balance in responsibility and fun. She teaches harmony and love of all. She will share all of this with you too. Only if you are willing to search and learn. Follow clues. And accept your self unconditional. Because she knows you can not love her if you judge her.
In the end you will question. Is this really 2 people or just one, The first is there in a form that will not really make you wonder if she is normal. But the second hides nothing.
But you see they both have the same spirit. They are both your best friend. And will help you through the most difficult of challenges. Because they know when you find your true self. You will know all is well, and as it should be. And you will be free of life's baggage.
Please let me know if you find they are one or two? And which one is the real one ?

Another gift

Serena is a girl's name is pronounced ser-REE-nah. 

It is of Latin origin. The meaning of the name Serena is 'Serene, composed, peaceful, cheerful, calm, clear, tranquil.

Serena is very cheerful and wise.
She can help you see through lies

Her peaceful presence, restores your calm clear composure. She points the way and saves the day. 
She tells you to breath, relax and meditate your issues away.
She gets out her broom and clears the chatter from your mind.
If that don't work she evicts your room mate. :)
She dose not speak much, so she make the perfect replacement.
Because tranquility in thought is amazing.
She reminds you a thought is just a thought, till you decide to make it part of your life. So let them flow.

She whispers think happy & be happy in your ear.
Make your self laugh for no reason It is healing.
But most of all She want you to live a life full of peace.
This card is for ?

Evelyn

A gift

 I created this card for phoenix
Zoe is a form of ballance
She will cool you down when you are hot.
Warm you up when your not.
She will hug you when your sad.
And slug you when your mad. :)
It won't hurt, she is such a flirt.
But most of all she is your best friend.
Because she is always looking over you.

Her job is to teach you to chill
And remind you there is no need for a pill
She will teach you to love your self
If you do not listen she will put you on a shelf
She is here to see that you live the life you were meant to.
She will pave the way every day.
For her magic is great. Because she loves you mate.

Zoe as a girl's name is pronounced ZOH-ee, ZOH. It is of Greek origin,
and the meaning of Zoe is "life".
In Japanese Zoe Means Uniquely Different

Zoe; The act of being grand, wonderful, perfect. Other related words are, cool awesome amazing.

Perfect cards : )

I pulled these cards here.

YOUR PSYCHIC TYPE

I have been searching for answers and I do find clues. On this web site I took the test there for link: YOUR PSYCHIC TYPE
The answer for me was 

B................... You tend toward being an emotional intuitive.  You travel the path of the heart.  You can have an innate sensitivity to the emotional states of others.  You will receive psychic intuition/information through your emotions via intense feelings that cannot be explained, such as a sense of sadness, anxiety or fear.  You might suffer from allergies, chronic tiredness, adrenal exhaustion, PMS, ovary or uterine problems.  This is due to pulling from your own physical reserves the energy needed to emotionally heal others.  As an emotional intuitive, you carry with you the gift of highest love.  Example: Mother Teresa  

b was 2nd and a, c.

Death

This is only my thoughts put into words. My mind was busy Monday morning. Word flowed more than ever before.
I did a post on my other blog about life if you care to read it too. I will post a link at the bottom of this page.

Death is only a release of spirit. We are made up of 3 components, mind, body & soul. I find some people feel that there loved one was taken too early. We really do not understand why it was there time. But we need to accept this person was not meant to be here any longer. Accidents happen for a reason, we were not meant to understand. Same with suicide. For some reason that person was tormented in there mind to the point the soul agreed to let them go. Our spirit/soul is like an observer. Using our body and mind to live.  The soul is so strong it will almost always keep you here. But when It feels there is no chance of repair. It will have mercy on us and set us free.
If you can only think of them like the person who is suffering of cancer.  There mind is in that much pain. Really we can not know till we are in there place, what the pain for either one of them is truly like. I have seen some people feel like the lost one was selfish. But it is us who are, because we can not understand there pain. We feel they chose to leave us. But we must accept it was just there time. They could no longer deal with the life they had.

I know for a fact our soul is very strong. It wants to stay in our body. It has a way of talking you out of your wish to leave. Or it just clearly says, "no!"
But when it agrees that this life is over, you then are allowed to pass on.
Getting mad at this person for leaving is a natural part of grieving. But you have to put your self in that persons foot steps. And accept mental illness is painful. You have to learn to accept the fact, they are now free of pain. And learn to be happy for them. Because this was the best choice for them. They truly had an incurable illness. It was mental rather that physical. I feel we should be happy for them. Because a life full of torment in the mind is no life at all.
I know you may not agree with me. But I know what it is like to want to leave. But I have a soul that teaches me to learn ways to get well. And maybe I can help other want to stay here too. But most of all I want to help those left here to understand and forgive those who have passed on. Free them of guilt so they can move on. Tell them it is ok. You understand now. So they can truly rest in peace.

I am not an expert on grief. But I am learning there are 7 levels of grief. We do not always experience them all.

But the key to peace of mind is the last stage, which is acceptance.  Finally letting go, and be happy for them. You will then be free to move forward too. 

link to my first post.

Spiritual Wellness

The assignment this week for A Celebration of Wellness is  Spiritual Wellness
To me spirituality is your soul not really what your religion may be.

As far as Spiritual Wellness, I feel like when I did the page above a couple of years ago. It was the start of my spirit taking control of my life. It feels like I was born with this spirit, but was forced to suppress it.  My Moms ways were constricting on my spirit. And I feel as though it has been in a coma for so long. I allowed the flow of life to chose my path or others to push me on to new paths. I feel like I did not live the life I was meant to live. But I fail to change it. Even today I have been thinking of drastic changes, but I fail to take the first step. I have been researching "habit and familiarity". I find most stay with what they have, for fear of change. fear of being alone, fear of things could be worse. So we become creatures of habit.  I have been giving allot of thought to what is damaged and what is well. I know for a fact my body is damaged, my mind exploded, so it must be my soul is well. That has to be the reason I am still here. Still working on healing my self. Your mind can only take so much trauma and drama. This leads to physical illness and fatigue. But I think, it is your soul that steps in and tries to save you.
All this adds up to lessons learned.
 But why do I need so many lessons?  
Is it I fail to take action?
Is it knowledge I need to make it to the next level?
Many questions, many answers. It all sums up to I am who I am today because all the choices and issues are apart of me. And my soul can handle anything.

This is a collection of images I put together that spoke to me of spirit when I first read of this task. They were done over the last few years.

Solfeggio Frequencies

 I have been listing to 
Solfeggio Frequencies on U tube. After some thought, I realized this is why music has so much affect on us. It is more than the chosen words to a song. The tones have healing, happy, or sad tones. They affect how we feel and change our mood. If you research more into these sounds you find the MI 528 Hz is used by genetic biochemists to repair broken DNA -
The original sound frequencies were first used in Ancient Gregorian Chants.The Six Solfeggio Frequencies include:
UT 396 Hz Liberating Guilt and Fear
RE 417 Hz Undoing Situations and Facilitating Change
MI 528 Hz Transformation and Miracles (DNA Repair)
FA 639 Hz Connecting/Relationships
SOL 741 Hz Awakening Intuition
LA 852 Hz Returning to Spiritual Order

Stillness and laughter

Laughter is nothing new, but it is some times forgotten. I found in my past few weeks of trauma and drama. It made me stop in my tracks. I was then allowed to still my mind. When I heard and saw others having so much fun. I could not help but join in the contagious laughter. It felt like the trauma perceived by my mind was being chipped away, piece by piece I felt it fall off my body.  From that point forward my soul was able to start taking control of my ego mind. I was still shaken. I still feel the damaging affect of a mind allowed to run a muck.  Trauma not only hurts you mentally but your body feels it psychically. This hurts your immune system, and allows illness into your life.

I am participating in A Celebration of Wellness with Rae for this weeks assignment called Wellness Art-ivity: Be Still. 
I find I have had much experience with stillness. But she said to do it in a different way and express it in an art activity in a different way. So rather than virtual art like I normal do. I did a drawing with paper and pencil.  I started looking for ideals. So on Monday I did a search and found a photo and video scroll down 2 posts or click here
I found movement.

On Tue I found laughter yoga click here
or scroll down to last post. This one has inspired me to want to find a laughter club or start one and become a certified instructor. So now I have a goal. Or a dream.

With all these clues I found laughter to be a way, that I must remember to use. Any time I am stressed or feel panic or fear and anxiety try to evolve in my mind. I will run to find some thing funny. Or just start laughing for no reason.

The photo above is my drawing.
Or Click here to see my haiku and digital creation of this weeks art work , on my other blog The Emptynester.  This is an example of my normal way of creation an art piece.
Thank you for reading and being a good friend.

Laughter Yoga

Today in my search for stillness
I find Laughter Yoga. : )

Benefits of Laughter Yoga

* Stimulates deep breathing;
* Reduces the levels of stress hormones epinephrine and cortisol;
* Lifts depression!
* Increases brain endorphins and serotonin that act as mood enhancers and natural pain-killers;
* Improves lung capacity & oxygen levels to the blood & circulation of both the cardiovascular & lymphatic system;
* Promotes better sleep;
* Internally massages the digestive tract promoting better digestion;
* Provides a safe aerobic workout. The heart rate increase in 1 minute of hearty laughter is equal to 10 minutes of rowing or jogging;
* Exercises facial and abdominal muscles;
* Boosts the immune system by increasing levels of anti-viral and anti-infection cells;
* Boosts self-confidence, creativity, improves communication skills and creates positive group energy;
* It’s fun!

Video Art

I was searching the word stillness, and came across this image of Kate Gilmore's My Love Is an Anchor (2004).

 The image spoke to me of the feeling of being trapped. Both in your mind and body. And how your mind can make you feel the fear as real as if you were trapped in a bucket. 

From the video I find I did not find a still. I found movement. And an unexpected clue.It is beating your self out of your trap. As in don't sit still and take it. Fight your way out.
What a great message.
My search was intended to find inspiration for an activity I am participating in A Celebration of Wellness with Rea for this weeks assignment called Wellness Art-ivity: Be Still

The art of play

Remember when we were children, play was using your creative imaginations to tell make believe story's.  Paint or draw things that was not real. As adults creating art can be healing, it is all about letting your inner child out to play again. There is no judgment or critique. Only pure joy. Colors show your mood. Or put you in a new mood. Funny picture make you smile. This is all healing for a wounded soul. Take some time to scribble, splash, swirl,  or drop some paint. Be a kid again.

Note: I use art rage to paint, and photo shop to add images to create this.

Recovering

You would think by now I could recover from drama and trauma quicker. I have been on the road to recovery from depression for the last 5 years. I have learned so much in self help. I know problems are temporary. I know I am a soul in a body here to learn, share and grow in knowledge. But I am amazed how one incident can put you back to the point of wishing this life was over. It should all be irrelevant.  Nothing should be that bad. But some times you loose complete control of  your ego mind. You forget or are not strong enough to say stop. This it not that big of an issue. It can be solved. You just get lost in your own mind. You  cry and anger easy. You feel fear that can lead to panic or anxiety. 
But it ultimately leads to a choice. Do I stay broken or do I pick myself up and get back on the road to freedom to enjoy this life. To savor a moment is a blessing. To share this moment with some one you love is truly a gift. It is hard to put away negative thoughts. It is like a war in your mind. This war leaves you a victim if you do not JUST SAY STOP! You need to fight hard with positive thoughts. Some times you are too week. You get to the point of hopelessness. You wonder why. Why me. But at that point. You do not realize it is not as bad, as you have allowed your mind to convince you it is.  
I know I should just take a deep breath. and start telling my self I am strong, I can conquer any thing.

Wellness map

Wellness mood map
I am emotionally drained and can not explain how I picked each image to represent each word.. 

Hidden faces

This image I created has allot of messages in it. I will add it to my healing art journal. It will take a while for the story to fully come to me.


 Example short story.
Old Mr. Oak was mighty and strong. He thought he was invincible. He could lift the weight of the world on only 1 branch. You can find him in the forest of life as we speak.
But he is no longer his mighty self. The storms of life has beaten his heart. The lighting has cracked his chest. People have split his spine, with an ax. He sits alone in his trunk. He no longer speaks. He lets his mind wonder. forward or backward know one knows for sure. But he waits and wonders when his time will come. As he knows he has short roots now. He knows, mighty winds may blow. Thunder may strike again.
He questions will I be strong enough to hang on ?
Will I end up firewood to heat some ones hearth ?
One thing he know for sure, He will live on through the forest of children and grand children he created. His spirit will live on through the lives of all the people he encountered. And though all the things he has built.He knows just like you and I are unique we still carry pieces of all of our ancestors around with us. I have some ones nose, another persons eyes. My genes are composed of all those before me.

I added a tab to the top of this blog. How to create. I have 1 video and 2 links so far. But it is just the beginning of how to create a healing or wisdom journal.

Forever changing

Jan 27, 2011.
        I just completed this page in my wisdom journal. It is the most healing page I have ever created. Looking at it and analyzing what it says to me. It is a wealth of knowledge.
It shows balance, creativity, fun, knowledge, spirit, dreams, love, wisdom and life.
When I analyze what each person represents from my point of view. It is most of the phases we all go through in life. We touch on each quality at different times in our lives.
We learn and grow from each choice we make.

Youth #1.The lady in red represents fun, laughter, play, living life on the edge. But she hides behind a mask. Hiding her beauty believing she is not enough. Not letting many people see her true self. She has 2 sides to her life. And represses the best part. For fear of rejection. She may feel alone or lonely.  She some times looks at lady #2 and wishes to experience some of the quality's of her life.For some people she is just the first step in life. All the fun before making a choice to be committed in a relationship.
For some it is a life time of play.

Young adult #2 May be step 2 in life. I am calling her the dreamer. She is the lady to the right. She has chosen to live what she considers to be the dream life. Or the picket fence life.  Marry a man who can provide for her every want. She lives by ego. She is kind and loving. She may be a mom some day. She may be a traveler. She may live a life of luxury and wealth. Or find her life is not what she signed up for. She may or may not be one to drink too much alcohol, lady # 1 may do this too. She may just be a simple down to earth fun loving mom. There are many aspects and different choices this path in life may lead to. As some in this category achieve the good life. Where they marry there best friend. They have ups and downs but work together to over come all. She may or may not have her own career. Where she becomes strong and successful. There are so many life styles to chose from in this time frame of a person life. It is sad but some feel trapped, they long for more fun, like lady #1 has. She may also feel alone or lonely. If they chose the wrong person to spend there life with.

Some times is is just the old saying the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Middle age #3 This lady is on top of what looks like the fence the divides the room. She is really crossing a tall scary bridge. She is learning to live a fearless life. One of both wisdom and knowledge. She has now learned control of her ego. She is responsible, yet knows fun is necessary for balance. She has lived a good life. Learning from each challenge, she was dealt in life. When problems arise she deals with them. She choose to never allow them to become her life. She live from spirit. Her higher self helps her to do what she feels is her path in life. She may have the quality's of both Lady s 1&2. But she chooses how and what she lets affect her life. She is rich in health, love, joy & caring for every aspect of her world. She is a person who is on the path to a well rounded life. She learns more and more each day. As life always has new lessons to learn.

Person #4 is The elder. She is the last chapter of life. She may have experienced every aspect of all 3 lady's. She is still a fighter in that, she continues to live the good life. Even though she may be a widow. She carry's on the love of knowledge. She reads and writes. She is a well of knowledge. Her words are full of life and wisdom. From a balanced life. She is a teacher, a friend, a person of love and kindness. She refuses to be bitter and alone. For life was a lesson. And she did her best. She is surrounded by the spirit of love. And knows her life still has purpose. She is now on her final path. She has to be strong and optimistic. She knows she has plenty of family and friends that still need her. She has given so much joy to every person she has encountered.

To me the shadow of the bird represents spirit.
It is the wings we use to fly though our life. And see us to our afterlife. It is our higher power. our soul. Our authentic self. The person we are meant to be in this life.  It is reasoning and thought. It is wisdom and freedom.

The scales represent balance.
It gives us a choice to change.
To see we would not know happiness with out knowing what sadness is.
To know there is no good or bad,they are intertwined like a rope, it is our judgment of what is good or bad.  Because things have away of working out to be for the best.

All of the red brings out the power of color. How it inspires us to feel passion of a sun set. And be creative.
The head statue is to remind there is beauty in every thing. And art lives in every thing we see. From the chair we sit on to the garden we design. The food we eat. The world is art.  There is the art of healing. The art of living. We our self are a form of art.
The soap is to remind you to cleanse your thoughts.
Through this process you can see with the eyes of an optimist. Feel with passion. Breath in every wonderful aspect of life.
The door way reminds you to see your self though the door way. Look within. Know we all experience almost every aspect of life. Release pain and suffering. Be thankful it happened at that moment in life. But this is a new moment. That moment of pain is over. make this moment rich with happy thoughts. Laugh, love and live.

In my journal I will rewrite this story to the point  of how I am each person in this collage. I find the more you look at the images, the more they tell you. You may find that they tell you a different story. As we all have views of life.
Namaste my friends.

Tree art

Hidden faces

Feb Dreams

This is my first dream board that I have ever put together from scratch. I am normally a digital person. I did the back ground with pastels. They were like chalk. I swished them and swirled them. I used mod podge to seal it. As it was quite a mess. I picked photos from a magazine that spoke to me. I asked my self what seeds I wanted to plant. In the garden of my life. This is what came to me. More words than photos screamed at me. The girl to the left, was built with bigger eyes like the childrens book in the past. Better to see you with my dear. She wears many hats as in Mom, Grand-mom, wife, etc.  She is also not looked at as normal. But she is unique like all of us. We are all different. Yet uniquely special just the way we are.

Please visit Jamie to see other dream boards.

Loss

I get on facebook today to see my brother posted

"Today is the ten year anniversary . of my fathers passing.Even after 10 years I miss him deeply.....I bet he is in Heaven hunting and fishing with his Dad an 3 of his Brothers.I look forward to the day when I can hang out with him again,well at least I have allot of memories of him for now...."

I myself have a few hand fulls of memory's of him. I spend my day today in thought. I had the most wonderful year with him in 2000. We talked and traveled and I learned about him.

He was sent to the hospital in November of that year. Cancer was the reason. Mesothelioma caused from wearing gloves lined in asbestos. He worked at the  Ford motor plant most of his life. When he passed, I was full of anger and sadness. I felt like we were finally going to be a family. But things changed. And now there is no hope. I felt rejected, unloved, tossed aside. When he told me to go in November. There are details left out of this story.  But when I was called on Feb 15 2001. I flew to be there for him till the end. Fear and sadness visited me that night. This is another story.

  I have this photo above on my desk top so I can visit with his burial place. With out flying to another state. 

This photo alone has a memory attached. It was taken 1 year after my dad and I stood on the very same spot. He showed me his parents, and family. He started to cry, and said. You never know how much you miss some one till they are gone. I stood there with my youngest daughter on that same spot and passed on his story to her. 

He now has a military headstone. But I have never seen it. 

My thoughts lead into analyzing the past today. The past made me who I am today. But I now chose how it will affect my like. Day by day. Minute by minute. So I will use today to work on laying down my anger and sadness.

Happy Vanentines day

 May you all have a wonderful loving day.

Full of love and hugs.

Sunday Post card art.
This is my cat named Crash all dressed up to find love.

Under the weather

I feel like Tony, the Italian stallion. He is 25 years old and still is surprised each day. He wakes to find that he is still here.  Most days are good. But then days like yesterday and today. Are filled with exhaustion, fatigue, drained of all life. Falling in and out of sleep. Unable to do any thing. Wishing some one would take care of you. Sweep you off your feet and love you. Any thing! But yet you sit. You are unable to pull your self up. Unable to write a word. Unable to care for your self, let alone any one else. You wonder how did this happen. You were doing so well. Your mind was writing away. Did you over do ? Is it illness. Or is is a relapse of depression?
 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As I sit here in a daze words start rushing in.
Oh my, a poem !
I am not a poet yet the words do flow.

Is this hindsight or yet to come?

I rant and rave an feel a slave
I just forgot every word I just thought.
They were awesome and dear.
New words come here

Equal and enduring, a love I may never know.
Forever cheering, I am left tearing
My heart is silent for a love that never fails
One in which all that matters
Is me & you
A love so true

Full of passion, never ending days of hugs
No need for any thing but us.

Did I go through life with blinders on ?
Did you walk right past me?
Or are you yet to come?
Are you here? Yet I do not see!

Am I cold and blind?
I do feel you in my mind
My love, my life, my reason to live.

You are my best friend
My soul mate
Did we ever date?
As I stay up late
I think of you!
I dream of you!
And those times of endless love.

Title Missing Him A poem by E

Negative & Positive thoughts

I will show you 2 example of reading this image

Please look at the post below for more info on the process of creating this image. And the reason to do it for self healing, inner wisdom, sparking your creative side.

Positive thoughts.
Image 1.tells me to learn from the past year of silence.
2. The past is now a part of history, acknowledge the lessons learned and move on.Remember it with a smile.As some how every thing turned out fine. I am thankful I am now who I am now, because of it.
3.Wake up , let go of the confusion.
4. Shake it off, do not carry any thing with you that burdens you.
5. A child with a moment of sadness
6.Lessons learned, freedom from siting in the cold darkness, living only in your mind.
7.The first step into the light of day.
8. Make a choice.
9. An empty space to fill.
10. Reach out.
11. Hope for the future.
12. Unknown chaos.

If I were using a negative view of this I may say

1. being alone in your mind.
2. Longing for a different past.
3. Sitting in self pity, lethargic & sad. Life less.
4. To walk is a burden, because of a choice to carry all the problems of life with you every where.
Allowing every issue to become your life. You chose drama, Not knowing you can chose to make each day a new one.
Your burdens fall off of your back onto every one around you. Because you feel trapped.
5.Tears for your inner child because the child inside has never learned the freedom of forgiveness. Or found a path of healing.
6.Siting in self pity. Self built invisible walls, that allow no peace or joy or person to enter.
7. The stubborn old goat.
8. You can see the light but choose to sit in darkness.
9. Feeling empty.
10 Reaching out. or refusal to reach out.
11. A fantasy of the good life. Or an unfulfilled dream.
12. chaos

Chaos is the same for both. Because the found image is one That caught my eye. But I can not spend time with it. I put it on the back burner. All I know it has a message to tell. But I am not ready to learn it. Now I hope I have shown how there is a message in every thing that attracts your attention.  And how you can use them like a taro deck.
They can help you heal. Or give you insight.


I call this "DAY DREAMING" enjoying the simple life.
If only we all lived by the beach. : )
The horse belongs to my friends neighbor. His name is Tony. He is the Italian stallion. : )
What story do you see in the images?

The art of journaling

This is a collage I created from images that have caught my attention over the past few week.
You can do this with magazines, old photos, etc. Let your creativity fly. It could be a piece of mail, business card, any thing you find you can glue down.

You can then arrange the images look at where you want to place them. Then glue away. If you want paint away, write away. I use one side of my journal for art. The opposite page for writing.

I do allot of mine digitally with photo shop.
But I have many things I glue and create in and on. Even an old phone book, can become a art journal.

But what I am doing with this image I call a wisdom or healing art journal.  Because these images have a story to tell. You may find either wisdom or healing in the process. You may find fun, adventure and creativity.
All I have to do is look analyze what the message is. What I need to know some times comes to me this way.

This can help with depression and grieving. Among other things. It can be read like a tarot card just for fun or for wisdom.

The images may say one story to me and another to you.

So click on the photo and enlarge, what messages do you see in this. ?
Is this a message for me or for you?
Can you see how I feel or want to feel?

Is this past, present or future, maybe all 3 ?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Here is a video I did in the past. It has ideals of things to use as journals. Also I have other videos there if you would like to look at any of them. 

 Quote of the day,"A day without learning is a day without living." ~Lou Holtz

No Fear

I did this maybe a month or so ago. I title it "No fear".
In analyzing this image it is a bit like me. Since a child I have not had many thing I feared. Except my Mom. LOL
And I was afraid of the dark. My Mom always left a light on. I do not know if this had any thing to do with it.As an adult I find it hard to see in the dark. So it is not fear. It is loss of night vision.

 Some people live a life of constant fear. Some can not even go out the door, to get something from there car, with out locking the door. I was one to never  lock the door. I have learned if some one wants something you have. A door will not stop them. I also have learned to not place value on to many material things.  A house fire taught me this lesson.
I am not totally with out fear. I am afraid of falling. I love the fact my kids are fearless. They ride roller coasters and many other adventurous things. I find I would like to fly through the air on a zip line . I saw this on the show the great race. It is like repelling, but it is at an angle rather than a drop. I also gained the fear of being hit in stand still traffic. I was hurt on 2 different occasions. Both times I was a passenger. So I would find my self in a panic when we had to stop on the highway. It took along time to get over the feeling of fear. But I did. I had to keep telling my self to relax. Get over it. The more I think about it. I come to the conclusion. I am only afraid of pain. Getting hurt causes pain. As I love to fly, but no fear of height or falling comes into play with this adventure.

One of my favorite quotes is: 
It is not possible, to control all external events;
But, if I simply control my mind,
What need is there to control other things?
Buddha
Have you analyzed your fears.  To see what they really are. So you can free your self of them ?

Cabin fever

Cabin fever is DEFINED as an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person or group is isolated and/or shut in, in a small space, with nothing to do, for an extended period Symptoms include restlessness, irritability, irrational frustration with everyday objects, forgetfulness, laughter, excessive sleeping, distrust of anyone they are with, and an urge to go outside even in the rain, snow or dark.

I have been observing my cats today to find they do have cabin fever.  They seem to fight any time they get near each other. Then they hibernate in different rooms. They stay away from each other with little to no communication. In the past this was and some times is my life too. You can say I am Crash. I long for exploration of the outside world. I just want happiness, fun, love. Where hubby is more like Reba, He wants to be left alone in his own little world. He angers and hisses easy. He has contentment with life being just as it is. No change other than some times a new movie on the TV. Where I do not like reruns. I need input new info. I have worked hard and experienced contentment. I am learning to master it but. I still have exploration through the computer. I live a virtual life. And have virtual friends like you. You can say I have life the way I want it. And still exist in his world.  You may say WHY DO YOU NOT LEAVE? Well I have been through thick and thin with this person. I signed up for better or worse. I can not abandon him. I would never be able to live with my self. Knowing this behavior stems from Illness. Mental and physical. Like a child with a disability. You learn to deal with them. You try to teach the child. But an adult is not always willing to change. Too if this is the beginning of Alzheimer's, early onset of demintia. I have to learn to deal with it.

Afformations verses Affirmations

I found this video yesterday and thought maybe I will give this a try.

Affirmation are daily messages that are said to oneself to bring about a change within the inner self.

Afformations is a question rather that a statement. It is used to trick your mind into positive thought.
Example:
Affirmation, I am happy
Afformation, Why am I so happy?
This video explains how your mind goes from yea right with the statement "I am happy". To searching for the answer right away with the question Why?

I am not promoting or affiliated with this person or there book.  I just am simply sharing the fact I will be trying this.

So for my self today I ask What can I do to make my self and others learn to be happy.
My mind says Remember the power of the word choice.
It is maybe the most valuable, life saving, yet simple word ever used.
Choose to be happy.
Choose to let go of baggage
Choose to be free of self imposed restrictions, that limit your life.
Choose  Wait a minute ! I am stating Affirmations.
Reprogram,
Question Should be why am I so happy.
My mind said because you are on the road to healing your self.  Refurbishing your thoughts. And using the power of Choice.  I am reprogramming my self every day. I am learning and sharing this on this blog. I am so ecstatic and even more motivated. When I receive heart felt comments like I did in the last post. To know I gave some one else a wow moment of hey this will work for me too.

A shift in attitude

Let it Snow : )

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine." Anthony J. D'Angelo

I seem to be getting this message today.  We are still in blizzard conditions here in Missouri. The wind has been doing unbelievable things.  My daughter called and said her friend is stuck on the 70/54 Hwy exit that leads to our town. The wind there was so bad today that it not only pushed his truck and trailer into a snow drift. But he sat there stuck, and watched another trucker go in the serves station. Only to return and wonder who hit his truck. As it was now facing the opposite direction.   I was in awe of the power of wind and ice. I had no clue something that big could be pushed completely around, from a stand still position.  Where he is at is a good place. He may be stuck. But the Hwy he need to be on is now closed 100 miles +/- each way. He has 4, 24 hour places on that corner to find food, warmth and companionship. So he will be fine.


I am thankful we are all staying safe in our caves. The snow is so deep we will have to go out of a window to shovel the door open. On a positive note. If we do get the 30-40 mph winds and sub zero temps tonight. Maybe the wind will blow the path clear. But we have no where to go. We sent our youngest daughter and her 2 kids to stay with some one else. That way we do not have to worry about the little ones if we loose power. They are at a place with a generator.

Now for the shift in attitude.
Today I received a letter from Jaime talking about a shift in attitude. I read a post on face book talking of attitude change.
Now the prompt for Wish casting Wednesday is:

What burden do you wish to put down?

 So I feel I am going to follow the clues.
I am feeling good about the snow. In the past I had winter blues. But I decided to put it in my head. The snow is beautiful. I am painting a new picture of winter in my mind. Like the one above. The man Skeiron, was the Greek god of the northwest wind.I picked him to use in my art today. Because our wind is blowing from the NW. Both the stamp and building have his image. The snow woman is the one that just melted away. My Daughter and her oldest son, built her right in front of my Living room window. She was fun while she lasted.
This month though I will not only revive my life but I will add shift to it. As Feb has in the past not only been the month for Valentines day. But also On that day Feb 14, 1999 Hubby came home from work while having a heart attach. Feb 14, 2001 I flew to Ohio to spend the last day of my birth fathers life, watching him die on Feb 15. I use to have thanks giving on Feb 15, Because I was thankful nothing happened the day before. But This year I am going to celebrate the day it is meant to be. A day of Love. I release to the universe all the past memory's of that day. As they are over.
I will also shift my attitude every day to love.
I will no longer carry any burdens with me to the next day.

The Art of letting go

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that

the prisoner was you.”

Lewis B. Smedes

What  words come to you when you look at this collage ?
What wisdom is in this image?
I was going to call it the fire breather.
To me it is how to deal with words that are thoughtlessly spit out at you.
I find the best way to deal with them my self is to no longer give them the power, I will no longer take them personally. I know words hurt. I gave them that power in the past. But now, I will no longer allow them to have any negative power. I now chose to forgive.
I do deeply feel words. I love to communicate.   But I no longer wish to feel sad. I wish to give all the power of words to be taken in a positive way.

I will keep telling my self "there is no good or bad,they are intertwined like a rope, there is only our judgment of what is good or bad.

Sunday post card art

A Home is a place of love

A gift from above

The peace you find

is joy for your mind

I always long for the contentment

The cookies and pie, all the refreshments
Home is a place where, when you return
You have no concerns.
Because it fits you like a glove
And is completely full of love

Poem by E

 Sunday post card art.