Saturday, April 23, 2011

Self talk

The challenge for this week Rae chose the topic of  Self-love.

This is one subject that I really never gave much thought to. Most of my life, I just went with the flow. As a kid most of my issues were from other kids making comments that were hurtful. But I think my mind did not take them to extremes.  
I did have insecurity's of the way I walked and my teeth.I had some hurt feelings when criticized by others. I pretty much would hang around older people. Ones who I felt were not mean at heart. To me now. This was self preservation.
By living this way my out look was neutral. I was just normal.
I never dated anyone my own age because I required respect. And a bit of maturity.

I can not say, I had self love. Only self respect. I accepted the fact I could not change my teeth. So I did not smile much. I find even to this day I think about dentures. So My teeth will fit together better. I have an over bite, and only 2 areas where food can be chewed properly. So this thought is for function more than looks.
 After I married, I did not care what others had to say any more. I just went on with life. Looking back now. I see I should have had more self awareness and confidence. But I am happy, I did not have any negative phobias.

I can see how some people look in the mirror and do not see them self correctly.  I have seen a TV show on bulimia. Where they really do look in the mirror and see an extra 100 pounds on there 90 pound body. Also I have seen some people look in the mirror and see a male body, when they are in a female body. To me this proves how powerful your mind can be at telling you lies. It is kinda like self hypnosis. Example: If you told your self over and over that your skin is purple. One day you will look in the mirror and see you are purple.
It is an allusion, but you believe it to be true.

To me this all sums up to it is all in your mind.
I have a friend that still sees me as skinny. They do not see I am a size 18 now. So I can tell this applies to how other people view you also. Once I had to stand on a scale to prove to a friend I am not a light weight. To me this shows she is so into her feeling over weight. That she sees others being smaller than her. It is kinda like deranged vision.

I find it is hard for me to judge age. I still see with the eyes of a younger adult, who now need reading glasses. I also am critical of photos taken of me. When I look at them a year later and see they are not as bad as I though at that time.
It takes some serious self talk to get your mind to let you see you are OK. The ego mind seems to be a trouble maker, kinda like the kids I did not like when I was younger.
I caught my ego mind, telling me last week, "Those guys think you are old. etc. I quickly said shut up!" to my self and sorta growled silently. My mind then let go of its plan.
I found the best thing to do is when you hear, You look old, you look fat, etc. I just say "WHAT EVER" It keep my mind from going on even deeper. It dismisses the hurtful self talk. And I do find the affirmation " You are perfect just the way your are " to be healing.
  Most of all I find the practice of removing all judgment to be the best way for me.  But over all I am happy with my self. My leg arms hands do there job. And adding gratitude I am happy that I have a body that lets me experience life. So I am thankful the vesicle I was given at birth dose what it is meant to do. And that task is live, love, and enjoy. Go with the flow of life.

4 comments:

  1. What a great perspective! Thank you for your story and for sharing your beautiful spirit.

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  2. This was a really wonderful post E....you are strong and beautiful soul. Thanks.

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  3. You are learning so much - and thank you for sharing with us.
    Namaste

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