Monday, January 31, 2011

The Art of letting go

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that

the prisoner was you.”

Lewis B. Smedes

What  words come to you when you look at this collage ?
What wisdom is in this image?
I was going to call it the fire breather.
To me it is how to deal with words that are thoughtlessly spit out at you.
I find the best way to deal with them my self is to no longer give them the power, I will no longer take them personally. I know words hurt. I gave them that power in the past. But now, I will no longer allow them to have any negative power. I now chose to forgive.
I do deeply feel words. I love to communicate.   But I no longer wish to feel sad. I wish to give all the power of words to be taken in a positive way.

I will keep telling my self "there is no good or bad,they are intertwined like a rope, there is only our judgment of what is good or bad.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sunday post card art

A Home is a place of love
A gift from above
The peace you find
is joy for your mind
I always long for the contentment
The cookies and pie, all the refreshments
Home is a place where, when you return
You have no concerns.
Because it fits you like a glove
And is completely full of love
Poem by E

 Sunday post card art.

The Art of being Wise - addiction

Wisdom can be defined as having common sense & good judgment.
Being wise can be defined as making due use of knowledge; discerning and judging soundly concerning what is true or false, proper or improper; choosing the best ends and the best means for accomplishing them.

For me it is an every day search , thanks to the internet. I learn and grow every day. I feel like I find so may Wow moments. I also have been completing one or 2 digital collages for my wisdom journal each day.
The best one so far is in the tab above under forever changing.  
But in keeping with this collage the point is knowing what to over look.
This is some times very hard. When you know that some one is doing something wrong. You have to analyze how to deal with them. Whether you are right or wrong to interfere with there decision. Or do you sit back and let them learn the hard way. Some people have to learn from the school of hard knocks. I have been there many times.

At this time my youngest daughter is enrolled in this class. And this has been part of the reason for my past year of silence. I am guilty of not knowing what to over look.
So I sat back and let her sink or swing. She has reached rock bottom. And yet has failed to learn the answer.
So I sat down with her Thursday night and made her analyze her past year. Asking what is the main reason that caused all of her problems. She finally saw it was addiction. Yet she continues on the same path. This is hard for me to over look. You have to change if you want your life to change. For her she is addicted to making the same choice over and over.
It is as simple as example " It is raining and I am always wet"  The only way to get dry is. GET OUT OF THE RAIN. Stay away from water and you will stay dry.

I made a list of things she needs to figure out. And told her plan each day for the next 30 days. Live as if this is all you have. Make the most of each moment. Pick how you want to remember your last 30 days.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Haiku - Menopause moments

This is a collage, I created with photo shop.
It brings a smile to my face.
I use it now, for my computer back ground.

I have been thinking of words to write for haiku my heart. I am just learning how to do this form of writing.
It is 5/7/5 syllables.
The title finally came to me tonight.
Menopause moments
Then a few different haiku's 

1. The fire department 
saved me from the moment of
uncontrollable rage!
2. The kindness of others
set my heart ablaze with joy
My soul is now free .
3.The water from the spring
brought profound healing, that joy  
has refreshed my soul

What words come to you, through this image?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My day

The day started out, I was awaken by the air quality. My breathing was not happy. I came into the living room to find it was 80 degrees on the thermostat.  That explains my issue. So I went around the house turning off space heaters. I knew hubby will never turn off the heat. But I though my daughter would have. But soon the temp went down enough that I could breath normal again.
Not long after that youngest daughter decides she is going to go put in an application at a temporary job service. She asks hubby to watch her youngest son. This turns into a 3+ hour adventure. And leads me to believe she is doing some thing wrong.
I later went for a ride with the oldest daughter to get antibiotics for her youngest 2. They have Rsv. A virus that is contagious. And yes we all have it. I was just getting well. And now respiratory problems for me again. I have been sick since September. Having kids living with us again brings illness into our life.
But any way. Back to the trip with Amy. We had to drive to the lake area. Because all pharmacy's close at 6 here in our town. I bough some Advil cold to give it a try and they recommended to try Airborne .  It was like alka seltzer, as in you dissolve it in water. I was surprised it was easy to drink. It had a fuzzy orange flavor. But lets see how well this works. I am in no way being paid to test. I do not make money from blogging. But It would be wonderful if I were paid to. I really like blogging. I kinda feel like my words are not of use to any one right now.

I do not have a direction to go with this blog. I mostly share what I have been mentally working on each day. I did buy a couple of magazine today. This was a splurge. But I need to start creating  healing art journal pages again. They really gave me insight and helped me write in the past. Also much joy was found in there creation.
I seem to be such a self analyzer. And this leads to finding motivation on self healing. There are so many thought that run through my head. My life seem to be thought. I was amazed to find in Aristotle words that what I am doing is a bit like his life. I am studying and learning. And hope that I may teach others with what I learn.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Chose to let go

I have spent a year in silence. The time was well spent. I released most of the baggage that I allowed to rule my life.
It was through forgiveness of both myself and others, that I found true freedom. So now I can move on to the path of life I was meant to follow.  There will still be obstacles. And forks in the road. But they are just more lessons to learn. I have found wisdom and knowledge in every thing that has happened. But I am no longer letting the past rule my life. I will learn to live in this time, & this moment.

I need to recapture joy & love in my heart.
I so miss the feelings. They can be found in simple things, like the sun sets. The passion of feeling the colors. The simplest thing is a smile.  This is what I chose to work on now. Feel the passion of life again.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday blues

You can not have good days without having some bad ones too.
This is called balance.

Sunday blues is how I feel today. I feel so alone even with a house full. I wish to express my feelings today. So maybe they will fly away. I try so hard to be happy. But it is hard. Depression is like any other addiction. You have to work hard to release the grip it has on your life. I have never just wrote out how I really feel. Maybe it is time to let er-rip.
   It is so hard to live with a hubby who is no longer him self. His life consists of sitting on the couch watching TV.
You may ask why he is different than any other man who spends his time in front of the tube. He has no will to be a part of life its self. I see him as a person that is not willing to try. His quality of life diminishes before my eyes.
After his bypass surgery in Jan 2006 I saw a new person.
He went from a strong person to one of fear. He has always been a quiet person. But now if you can get him to talk it is mostly lies. He believes what he says to be true. He is very easy to anger. I see more and more that he is experiencing more signs of dementia. These signs are also part of depression and aging.   I my self experience confusion and memory loss. A feeling of helplessness.
to be continued.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Sunday post card art

I drew the sketch as more of a. how many pencils can you find post card.

The other is a digital creation.
This one is for Angela

Friday, January 21, 2011

Why am I blogging ?

  This thought has gone through my mind over and over this week. 
I decided to start a new blog for the new year. As a way of letting go of my past. I did not know what direction this blog would take. The word I chose for 2011 is revive. So I am using this blog to restore my life back to a better way of thinking.
 My intention is sharing what I have learned will help others.
I bring with me art and creativity from my old blog. Because it is healing. It is fun ! And can teach you more about your self.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Changing your story can change your life.

I am by no means an expert on any thing but my life. And till now. I have been looking for me. All the pieces came to me bit by bit, over time. I have lead a life full of drama.  Like a raging storm. In my mind it was too much for me to deal with. But looking back. I survived and became stronger.
      I have learned if you tell your self negative story's. You become those story's. If you decide to hang on to problems. You make the choice of letting the problem become your life.
Knowing you have the power through choice gives you the ability to over come all issues. 

My affirmation for today 
Choice creates your reality
 I am going to rewrite my day every day to be a good day.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


This is my Full Wolf Moon dream board for January.
Jamie picks the full moon of each month for us to share our dreams.

 I collected these images because they spoke loudly to me.
The story they tell me is to let go and release negative energy.  To find a way to not be so lonely any more. And to get back to creativity. I feel I have been living inside of my head so long. It is time to vent. Open my mouth and release the energy. Get out my journal and write. Blog, etc.

 I find my dreams are not for monetary things. They are for knowledge , guidance , wisdom, fun, laughter, friendship, & Love.

I find there is so much energy you can get from analyzing the photos you choose. Doing a dream board is much like the wisdom or healing journals I use to do. Each creation tells a story. It may differ to each person who looks at it. But to me the message are wisdom. Some thing we need to see or hear.

With today being a full wolf moon. to me a wolf is loyal and family orientated. They are wild and free. But also a group of kind souls. They do know when it is time for there kids to stand up and be responsible. But they are very much there for support. Even if it is only a smile. 
Most of the images I used came from national geographic magazine. The face I use the eye I drew in the post below to create a digital face.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Analyzing perfection

Do you ever wonder why we can not be happy with things just the way they are ?
Perfection"1" definition is  "the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait." in this example perfect is still not complete. 
I drew this eye today, and it is a fact. This is the best one, I have ever drawn in my life. But I was not happy with the eye lashes. I erased them and tried again. This was a mistake the first ones were better, So I tried a 3rd time. Again the original ones were better. So I quit at this. I realized when I wore mascara at times the eye lashes would bunch together and never be perfect.

Then taking a photo of this drawing I took 6 shots to get the one I liked and a 2nd one that is not quit right as an example for this post.

The point I am getting to is this is a life lesion for me today. I should have just been thankful for the results even with the flaws. As I went over board trying to fix some thing that was not broke.

I finished the drawing digitally.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sunday Postcard Art

The theme for this week is ALTERED MONA!
I had allot of fun with this one.
I could not quit creating.
I turned me into Monamesa. 
By added Me and animals
Then turned the real Monalisa into a southern bell
on a water color back ground that I painted. 
 finally decided on a playing card look.

Friday, January 14, 2011

My scrappy life

I know. I have decided to live my life from this minute forward. But in looking back and reviving my history. I went through my old blog.
Looking at the photos alone. They put a smile on my face. All the fun I had. All the progress I have made at moving my life forward in the battle of depression. If you revived my story to make it a positive one. I have learned so much from being so sad. I learned to feel joy, laugh, play, and bring creative adventures into my life. I started blogging  with words, photos, then art came into play. But finding friends like you was the ultimate reward.This made my life so much better.
Depression has made me a stronger person. It is still an ongoing process. But I have made plenty of positive changes to my life. I can now look back, and rewrite my history.

Maybe even help others to over come life's challenges.  To look at problems as temporary. Learn to step back from them. And do not make them your life. It is a matter of choice. Choose to take control of how you deal with the challenges life gives you. Know in your heart you can handle them. They are for some reason a lesion you must learn. You have to conquer your fear of them.

Look at the facts. This is some thing that has already happened. You can not change it. You can only change the next step. How do you react !
Ask your self.
What will I do to fix this ? Is this fixable ? How can I go on ? Am I going to let this change my life forever ? Or am I just going to let it go away on it's own, by doing nothing.
When the problem is a person, this can have profound affects on your life.
"You have to learn how to go on with the next chapter of your life."
There is the loss of your children. They grow up and may move away.
Or even worse they do some thing wrong and have to spend there life in prison.

We are all faced with the death of a person. We still carry them with us in our thoughts. And hope one day we will be with them again, when it is our time.

I found you can also morn the loss of a person who is still here with us. When dementia comes into play. The person changes before your eyes. At first it it gradual some memory loss, but becomes more obvious as time goes on.   You may find them doing things you would have never thought they would. They may start telling lies and believe what they say is true. They may also start acting out being mean with there words. Or even attacking you with anger.All of the things they learned to be wrong are things that they may try to do now.They also may forget to take care of them self. You have to tell them to take a bath.
Some times you wonder if it  would be better if they were no longer suffering. But you hold on to the hope tomorrow may be better. You fell like this is no longer the person I knew. And have to remember it is not them it is there behavior that is the issue.

There are many other ways people affect your life.
But for now this is all I will write.
This story started out on another note. And I for some reason just let the words that wanted to come out of my mind flow into this post.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Simple trip

Reviving my day. This was a simple trip to the doctor.

It started out with hubby going to get gas in the car. He surprised me by bringing back 2 snowball cakes. Yum!
This can be a way of saying." I love you with out the words."
 To me a simple gesture of chocolate is joy to the taste buds.
After eating just one, it was time to leave. We went out side to find, there is still snow on the ground and the full length of the front of our house is covered with icicles.  The streets still have some snow on them too. We drive along and notice, not many people shovel there side walk or drive way down here. Even the parking lots have snow in them. We are soon on the highway. It is a beautiful day. The cows  show up even more with snow on the ground. The trees are very clean. We have had allot of strong wind to blow them this way.

It was about a half hour drive. We arrived at the surgeons office. It was rather beautiful too. There was a fireplace mantel on the wall with an electric stove heater some what like mine.  A coffee table contained a very large statue of a funny old man with a fishing pole. There was a gold fish bowl in front of him and a beautiful dragonfly sitting at the tip of his pole. This is the first office I have entered with a homey feeling to the decor.  We were greeted with a big hello by a gentleman as we walked in the door. He was there with his wife. I love how friendly people are down here. You can feel kindness pouring out of every one in this office today.
The doctor asked many questions. I was amazed at how many hubby can not answer. He did not realize you go to a surgeon to have surgery. He was like no. While we were there the doctor had an appointment set of for hubby to go see a heart doctor too. They can do nothing to him with out the approval of a heart Dr. Because of his past bypass and heart attach.  It is almost guaranteed that he will fail the stress test. He always has. And he refuses to have more heart surgery. If you remember I stated I will never try to get him to do any thing like this again. He is to now make all of his own choices.

He was sent to have a cat scan. I let him go in for this by him self. I went out side to sit in my car.  Next thing I know, I  find him at the window of my car asking me to fill out the paper in his hand. All it required was our address and phone number. I filled it out and went back out to the car, he was back in no time. They were very fast. We then drove  further into Jeff city, and stopped at the supper center. Picked up a few things. Then we stop at Steak n Shake to have a nice burger, fries and a cup of chili.

My thoughts rambled so much on this drive.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011


Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it.
Wayne Dyer

 As a kid and adult, I was like most people. I saw my flaws more than my quality's.  When I got married, I no longer worried about what other people thought. I just went through life with my eyes closed. I did not judge or like the behavior of others who did.

I find we evolve day by day, and change our way of thinking. We can not change other people, but we can change how we perceive them. Some times I wish every one was taught in school to not say things that hurt the feelings of others.  I know this should be the parents responsibility, To tell the truth, some parents teach there child this behavior. They also criticize there children

With my children I feel I did teach them well. As far as criticism and judgment.    But I failed in the part of self worth. I did not know how to teach them. Because words hurt. They leave scars. I was surprised to find the one that was the most popular was the one who had the least self confidence.

I feel I have released all of my issues over the last few years. I found by forgiving every one. including my self. That the scars of life have healed. I also realized that our body is just a vessel, that enables us to walk, talk, run, play. etc. It is our spirit, who is the real us. Our true self is made of love. It is the brain that allows us to judge or be judged.
Because of the programming we have allowed.

You have to reprogram, tell your self you are perfect just the way you are. And believe it. Allow your spirit to guide you, on a new path. Free of baggage. Free to love.

This show drop dead diva is a perfect example of how your spirit given a new brain & body is still you. But can access the programing of the other person. What is amazing though. she brought the baggage of her old life with her. Now she is forced to use her spirit to choose what to do.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Caption ?

Yesterday, I was teaching Jeremy how to remove the back ground and add the photo to another page.  I ended up with this. Jeremy liked the caption. Oh no! She is here again. RUN!  But I think there could be even better ones for this.
I like , "quick let the cat out !"or  "MOM! The cat needs a dipee."
What words would you use for this ?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Sunday Postcard Art

The theme this week HOBBIES AND/OR PASTIMES.
Other than digital art, I love bird watching and books. There are many other things I enjoy doing. But it would be to eclectic to add so much to one post card.

Do not turn a pebble into a bolder.

"How do you find out if you are an optimist or pessimist? Ask yourself the question: How do I think when bad things happen to me? A pessimist lets the bad thing contaminate everything in their life: home, work, relationships.  An optimist, on the other hand, isolates the bad. "It's just this one piece that's not so good, everything else is OK." Lou Tice
For me, I have to work on staying an optimist.
It is so easy to let things control your thoughts.
Then they take over your life.
I have come a long way in letting go of this habit.
You just need to stop, when a negative thing happens. Then think. I can handle any thing. This is temporary. It will go away. Ask your self " Can I fix this? Is this my problem or dose it belong to some else." Do not take on the baggage of others. Even if they are your own kids.

Remember do not turn a pebble into a bolder.
Some thing small sure can hurt. 
But a bolder can kill.  
Every new day is another chance to change your life.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

A perfect day

 I asked hubby if he wanted to go eagle hunting today.
And he said yes! He asked Tessa and she said Yes.
So off we went to bagnelldam. It was a bit chilly but the sun was out. Yea! Sunshine.  

The water level was up so the island was quite small with only 1 blue herring taking a nap. It was not till I up loaded these photos to the computer, that I realized " this is the shape of a heart". How cool is that?
 We saw plenty of turkey buzzards.
And yes! There were 4 eagles. This was one of the best shots. They were all in flight. And I needed more than a 300mm lens to get a better shot.
Believe it or not. This is my best photo of the day.
This pigeon was in the side wall. I was looking down at it.
After this adventure. My oldest daughter came over.
We went for a drive to the Dutch country store. There was many animals out along the way. But I did not bring a camera. So I missed a shot of a beautiful white horse with black blotches. It reminded you of a zebra with out the strips. Then came a mom cow with a recently new little gray baby running in the field. We went on a bit farther. Then here was a black Angus mom cow. Who just gave birth. Her tail was still wiggling in the air. The baby was wet and laying on the ground. This give me hope warm weather is on its way.

A new day

Today started out before 5 am. I have been in thought most of the morning. I have been silent allowing what happens happen. So today I decided to allow my old self to do what it did best. Try to fix the situation. I wrote a letter on behalf of my youngest daughter.
Asking for mercy. It is so hard to live in limbo. Not knowing what the future will bring. Not knowing where the kids will live. Not knowing what to say. So I say nothing. But I am going to use my word for 2011 to rule this day. I wish to revive, restore & renovate my life from this minute forward. 
This will be a good day. The sun is shinning. And I ask for positive energy. To allow my family to move forward ASAP.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What do you wish to say yes to?

My wish would be to live in the light of the sun again.
To refurbish my spirit .
To release this state of limbo.
To regain health and creativity.
To let my true self be in control of what I need to finish this life with joy.

I need to go back to my past wisdom journals, Like the one above. To remind my self of the past lessons I have learned.
So I can revive my path of Joy.
"We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves."

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New moon revival

I just finished reviving these 2 photos. They started out around this time yesterday. I got the ideal from a challenge on
Sunday Postcard Art.‘CELESTIAL’ was the theme.
'HOBBIES AND PASTIMES' will be next Sundays theme. I am a bit  late. But I had so much fun taking a photo from last summer on the swing and adding it to a painting I did with art rage. The youngest 2 in the front left  are more resent photos.  I think working with graphics is one of my favorite things to do.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Shifting perspectives

                          You can do it ! I can do it!
          When you look at this photo, what do you see ?
Do you see it as un-kept,  abandoned, neglected, forgotten.
Or do you see this as artistic. quaint, beautiful.
View #1
This is the shed in my back yard. It has been neglected.
Do to the fact that hubby and I can no longer maintain every thing that needs attention. Our neighbors who like every thing perfect, do not like us. They judge us as trash, or lazy, rather than seeing if we are ok. Or asking if we need help.

In order to revive this story here is a new out look.
View #2
This is a photo of my shed in the fall. All the beautiful wisteria blooms have gone to sleep for the winter. The aroma of the flowers on the ground have diminished.  But I feel the charm they have left. There is a quaint artistic look about the chipping paint. That reminds me of grandmas farm. I love the wild look. The feel of freedom. There is no one here that can tell me how tall my grass can be. Or call my native flowers weeds.

The point with this example is we can revive each story of our life in a more positive way. This can help us release the pain of a negative one, that we may carry around with us.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


  1. Baggage "what to bring into the year 2011"
I plan to keep doing both virtual and in person, Art journals.
I will use my word of the year " Revive" in every thing I do. In keeping with the journal above. I will not see the future as a negative thing. The me in the ball is to remind me. That no matter what. My life is fine. The storms of life are behind me. I may run across them again. But I will not carry them with me. I can choose what baggage I carry. So with what space I have to carry it with, it must be very important. So it must be fun & enjoyable.
I need to find new wings this year. And find hope.

I need to learn to communicate in a different way. One where I use the silence I mastered last year, with careful thought. Reviving each word in a positive way.