Tuesday, February 15, 2011


I get on facebook today to see my brother posted
"Today is the ten year anniversary . of my fathers passing.Even after 10 years I miss him deeply.....I bet he is in Heaven hunting and fishing with his Dad an 3 of his Brothers.I look forward to the day when I can hang out with him again,well at least I have allot of memories of him for now...."
I myself have a few hand fulls of memory's of him. I spend my day today in thought. I had the most wonderful year with him in 2000. We talked and traveled and I learned about him.
He was sent to the hospital in November of that year. Cancer was the reason. Mesothelioma caused from wearing gloves lined in asbestos. He worked at the  Ford motor plant most of his life. When he passed, I was full of anger and sadness. I felt like we were finally going to be a family. But things changed. And now there is no hope. I felt rejected, unloved, tossed aside. When he told me to go in November. There are details left out of this story.  But when I was called on Feb 15 2001. I flew to be there for him till the end. Fear and sadness visited me that night. This is another story.
  I have this photo above on my desk top so I can visit with his burial place. With out flying to another state. 
This photo alone has a memory attached. It was taken 1 year after my dad and I stood on the very same spot. He showed me his parents, and family. He started to cry, and said. You never know how much you miss some one till they are gone. I stood there with my youngest daughter on that same spot and passed on his story to her. 
He now has a military headstone. But I have never seen it. 
My thoughts lead into analyzing the past today. The past made me who I am today. But I now chose how it will affect my like. Day by day. Minute by minute. So I will use today to work on laying down my anger and sadness.


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is never easy and it takes time to move through all the layers. I am sending you light and love. I hope you get to see your father's military headstone someday. Thank you for sharing here.

  2. I still miss my dad SO much...and he's been gone for almost 43 years; gone much too soon in my young 21-year-old life. He was my Hero, and I don't come by heroes easily. There isn't a day goes by that I don't think of him and feel cheated by his absence in my life...and my children's. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad....who sounds like a pretty great guy. Take care E.... ~Joy

  3. Cyber hugs to you. Yes its sad to lose someone you love. I lost my brother 14 years ago and I still miss him everyday.
    Love to you and your family