Sunday, January 23, 2011

Sunday blues

You can not have good days without having some bad ones too.
This is called balance.

Sunday blues is how I feel today. I feel so alone even with a house full. I wish to express my feelings today. So maybe they will fly away. I try so hard to be happy. But it is hard. Depression is like any other addiction. You have to work hard to release the grip it has on your life. I have never just wrote out how I really feel. Maybe it is time to let er-rip.
   It is so hard to live with a hubby who is no longer him self. His life consists of sitting on the couch watching TV.
You may ask why he is different than any other man who spends his time in front of the tube. He has no will to be a part of life its self. I see him as a person that is not willing to try. His quality of life diminishes before my eyes.
After his bypass surgery in Jan 2006 I saw a new person.
He went from a strong person to one of fear. He has always been a quiet person. But now if you can get him to talk it is mostly lies. He believes what he says to be true. He is very easy to anger. I see more and more that he is experiencing more signs of dementia. These signs are also part of depression and aging.   I my self experience confusion and memory loss. A feeling of helplessness.
to be continued.

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